I have a special card to share.
- 4 Crafty Chicks: Black/white and one other color.
- CAS on Friday: Fall or Halloween.
- Moving Along With the Times: Halloween.
- Shopping Our Stash: Halloween.
- Stamp, Ink, Paper: Trick or Treat.
by Darnell J. Knauss
Jean stood with the weight of her bag first on one hip and then on the other. She inched forward, aware of the time. Finally, she was at the head of the line. Feeling like a pervert, she heaved her shoulder bag onto her back and leaned way over to peer down the line of stalls and under the doors to see if one was empty. As Jean leaned over, she could feel the contents of her tote shifting forward, so she stood up abruptly, adjusted her bag, and leaned over again to peer under the doors. She did this exercise four times when suddenly a door opened! Jean lurched towards it as if towards the promised land.
As she got close to the stall, Jean pulled down the sleeve of her sweater so she didn't have to touch the door handle with her bare hand. Because of her tote, she squeezed through the door sideways, scraping her knee on the toilet paper holder as she turned around to face the door. Once again pulling the sleeve of her sweater over her hand, she latched the door. It popped back open. With a heavy sigh, Jean calmed herself and using a crumpled tissue from the pocket of her sweater, she finally got the door to stay closed.
Jean gleefully removed the tote from her shoulder and using both hands, she hoisted it forward to hang it on the hook on the back of the door. Wait. There was no hook! How can there be no hook? She turned all the way around, gripping the bag, scanning the sides of the stall for a hook somewhere, anywhere. No where. Well, there was no way in hell Jean was going to put her bag on that filthy floor, so she slung the straps over the toilet paper holder leaving the bag to hang a scant half inch off the floor.
By now toilets were flushing all around and water was running in the sinks, all noises that make someone with a full bladder have to GO. Now! With renewed adrenaline, Jean quickly reached into the box containing the toilet seat covers and placed one on the seat. As Jean finished setting the paper in place and turned around to step in front of the toilet so she could sit down, the automatic toilet thought she was finished and it flushed, flushing the seat cover down the drain. Oh, for ...
Okay, okay. Taking a deep breath and squeezing harder, Jean grabbed another seat cover, punched out the opening and hurriedly placed the wispy thing on the edges of the seat. Once it settled, Jean moved with the speed an athlete, bending at the waist, swiveling her right ankle, whipping down her panties, and sitting down in one fluid movement before the automatic eye could flush the toilet again.
Aaaaahhh! That was way too close for comfort, but now Jean was okay.
Unwinding her tote and putting it on her lap, Jean leaned down to look under the black container holding a giant roll of toilet paper to see where the roll started. No paper was hanging outside the opening so poor Jean nearly toppled off the seat from leaning so far forward. She put her hand inside the dark opening and used her fingernails to send the roll turning, frantically scratching at the paper as the roll turned, trying to find the end. Jean knew from experience that one of the great mysteries of the universe is why it takes a full five rotations before the torn end of the paper reveals itself.
Jean pulled the very thin paper, but the more she pulled, the narrower it seemed to become. She could feel herself losing the will to live. The more she pulled, the more the paper coiled snake-like in her hand like a mountain of dental floss. Jean could only wonder what kind of engineering maniacism this was. Finally gathering 38 feet of paper that barely covered her hand, Jean dried her lady bits and stood up.
The toilet flushed immediately with such force that it sucked the tissue and one dollar bill out of her pants pocket. It did not, however, flush the toilet seat cover which by now was firmly stuck to her back side. Peeling it off, Jean pulled up her pants and straightened her clothes. Relieved physically and happy to have finally accomplished her task, Jean tossed her tote over her shoulder and reached for the latch. AACCKK! In her haste, she touched the latch with her bare hand!
Rushing to the sink, Jean held her hands under the automatic soap dispenser ... nothing happened! Grrr. She put her head down and weaved between the other women to another empty sink where the dispenser was working. It dispensed a dime-size plop of air soap. Placing her hands under the automatic water faucet, the foam evaporated as soon as the cold water hit it. In order to get her hands clean, Jean feverishly shot her hands back and forth between the soap and water a dozen times.
Crossing the room to the racks of paper towels, Jean discovered that only one of the dispensers had paper towels and there was a line. Sick of the whole business by now and how long it had taken, Jean grabbed her tote and dried her hands on the armpits of her sweater as she ran out of the restroom to her gate.
The last of the passengers were loading and Frank was pacing, looking at his watch. Not seeing the warning signs in Jean's eyes, Frank growled, "What took you so long?!"
At their destination, Jean and Frank were the last to leave the plane. Frank left in a body bag. Jean, her right eye twitching, left in handcuffs.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN! Enjoy your day! No, seriously, enjoy! LITS!*
As always, thank you for coming by to visit the Playhouse and special thanks to you if you take the time to join as a follower! Please let me know you came by so I can be sure and return the flavor!
Edited to add: Hopefully, it's just me, but FYI Google decided to play a Blogger Halloween Trick on me today. I woke up with none of your comments going in my email inbox again! When I went to Layout, Comments, sure enough, my email address was no longer in the box!! What in heaven's name?! Goblins? So flustruating!