A site for my handmade cards, accompanied by my photos and written meanderings which are occasionally witty, often tongue-in-cheek, and rarely profound. Beginning in June 2013, you'll also see lots of NBUS, which is an acronym I coined for Never-Before-Used-Schtuff. Feel free to join in, use the acronym, and use up your NBUS too! Thanks for coming by! Have a beverage and enjoy!

AWAY WITH WORDS

And Forever Young ...

It occurs to me, as I make more and more posts in a conversational style as if I'm talking to you, that I'm assuming you have been reading me like a book from day one.  Well, that's probably nonsense.  I mean, I may have a few loyal followers who faithfully check in every day (in addition to the one lady that I pay), but a lot of you might just pop in now and then.

So assuming you do NOT read me every day, you may be confused, frightened, or horrified at what may appear to you to be typos and/or idiotic verbage.  I wanted to set up this page to clarify that there are not typos in my posts, I beg your pardon.  I prefer to think of them as new words and why not?  Young people are constantly making up new words.  And lawyers, please, they are always verbizing nouns, so why can't I? 

I've given my typing style an acronym, which is TWO, which stands for:

"Typing While Old"
~~~
I've been a legal secretary/assistant/paralegal/administrator for almost 45 years.  I have prided myself on being an excellent, speedy, and accurate typist for most of my life and I'm sick of it.  I prefer to just let it happen now and I find it quite amusing to see the outcome of my fingers' failure to connect with what my brain is thinking.  My fingers, at this point, often go off willy-nilly.  At least I hope to God it's the fingers that are going off willy-nilly and not the brain.  So, basically, if I find typos amusing, I leave them.  I like long run-on sentences and I overuse quotes and I start sentences with "And."  (Which, BTW, is actually okay according to the Gregg Reference Manual.)

I've been a crossword puzzle fan since I can remember and have always loved words.  So you'll see here that I sometimes make up stories and new words and I play with old words with a dry and sarcastic wit.  If there's irony, that's even better.  Sometimes I find words to be easily stylized into morfisms, or I use the dictionary's second or third meaning, or I use homonyms.  It's just a fun thing I sometimes dew.

I do proof-read as best I can, even though I usually skip the spell-check since that would defeat the whole porpoise.  Once in a while I will change the words that come completely out of left field (that happens, too, sometimes), because I don't want you to think I've lost ALL my marbles. 

Mister says, "Geez, hon, people will think you're an idiot."  This from a guy who truly couldn't care less what people think of him.  After all these years, I'm trying to finally embrace his viewpoint, and he is concerned for me?  I love the irony in that.

But obviously I do care what you think and that you not think me an idiot or I wouldn't have explained all this.

So there you halve it.

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I did a post here on February 8, 2013 and in it I included the following:

My sister, Dood, sent me an email she got from someone containing an essay written by A. Nonnie Mouse.  Since she prefers to remain unrecognized, I've gone ahead and taken some liberties with the text of the original email and then, after the quoted section, I've added a few of my own.  I'm sure I'll think of more after I've published this post.

I have visited many places, but I've never been in Cahoots.  Apparently you can't go alone.  You have to be in Cahoots with someone.  
I've also never been in Cognito.  I hear no one recognizes you there, and the town is made up mostly of the family of A. Nonnie Mouse.
I have, however, been in Sane.  They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there.  I have personally made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family, and work.
I would like to go to Conclusions, but to get there you have to jump.  I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.
I've also been in Doubt.  That is a sad place to go and I try not to visit there often.
I have been in Continent, but I don't remember what country I visited.  It's an age thing.  I just remember that it was very wet and damp there.
I've been in Flexible a time or two, but only when it was important that I stand firm.
As I've gotten older, I find myself in Capable more often.
One of my favorite places to visit is in Suspense!  It really gets my adrenalin flowing and the old heart pumping! 
***
Yesterday, I found myself in Adequate.  There are too many mirrors there for my comfort, which made me fully aware of my shortcomings.  If you get lost driving out of there, you may find yourself in Ability.  That's hard on your self-esteem, so beat feet out of there.
When I finish up here in a minute, I'm heading over to in Cessant.  I hadn't planned to go there today, but now that I've started this, I know that before I can even catch up, all the people in my head are going to be in Clined, where there is a huge Word Travel Agency.

I asked my readers to add words that they thought of and many did so.  To see their additional words, please go to the post here and click on the "comments" at the bottom of the post.  A new window will open and you can read all the clever an "in genius" comments! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


And I received this from Mary H. of Carolina Cards.  She received it in an email.  It's from an unknown author:

"I think a retired English Teacher was bored. THIS IS GREAT! No wonder immigrants struggle with the English language. It took a lot of work to put this together…Enjoy!!


1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear..

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?



Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this ..

There's a two-letter word that has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is
'UP.'

It's easy to understand
UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?
Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends.
And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.
We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
At other times the little word has real special meaning.
People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.
A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.
We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed
UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary.
In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used.
It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.
When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things
UP.
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry
UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it
UP,
for now my time is UP,
It’s time to shut UP!"


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


And in all seriousness, I leave you with one of my favorite songs:

May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you

May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young

May you stay forever young

May you grow up to be righteous
May you grow up to be true
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you

May you always be courageous
Stand upright and be strong
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young

May you stay forever young

May your hands always be busy
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift

May your heart always be joyful
May your song always be sung
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young

May you stay forever young*


Enjoy!  Thank you for stopping by to visit!




20 comments:

EELS said...

Hear hear to all that.
Elaine

MaryH said...

Love your writing style. I'm the same way....and sometimes I will get told about it. Your prose is amusing to read, and I think you are probably a 'misplaced author' who worked at 'other jobs' while you should have been writing books! By the way, if you read, and like historical fiction...GOOD historical well-researched fiction, check out Diana Gabaldon. You'll enjoy her, 'cause she writes in sort of a same style as you. Thanks for sharing some of your personality!! Enjoyed reading this little blurb. Another TWO

belldoubleyou said...

Well, we certainly don't want any defeated porpoises! Goodness only knows how they would try to get revenge.

Christy Q @ SchnauzerCrafts Creations said...

Hi Darnell! I just love your way with words! Whenever I see a word that just doesn't look right, it makes me smile. Your blog really feels like a conversational piece and I love it. You are now one of my favorite blogs to check daily since your cards are bee-you-tea-full! And your writing style always brings a smile to my face.

GeeCee said...

luv, luv your blog!!! I immediately signed up to receive your emails. I luv the way you play with words and you're such a delight to read! I feel so happy after I read your blog. Thank you for the smile on my face. I luv your cards! I'm new to paper crafting (just started last April)and feel so inspired as I spend hours and hours going to all the various sites on the web. Thank you!

mjbest said...

I've just found your blog and have had one good laugh after another. I LOVE your riting style. My family must think I'm nuts by now with all the laughter, snorts and giggles coming from my crafting room. And I love your artwork too. Thank you for sharing your life and your art with us. You are a ray of sunshine I will enjoy reading from here on in.

Sheila H said...

I am LMAO!! I was taught this tech speak by my niece who is up on such things. I have just become a follower. Thank you so much for following my blog. We have something in common - I am a retired legal secretary. I don't have your way with words. I'm actually pretty straight laced, but I love and admire folks who can inject humor into the mundane and bring smiles and laughter to others. I discovered your blog through Ardyth, who I discovered through Virginia and Susan. I don't remember how I discovered Virginia and Susan. I'm looking forward to perusing your blog. Happy Holidays to you and yours!

Sheila

Petra Swart said...

Oh, Darnell, what fun and laughter I had reading all of this!!! I love your wonderful sense of humour and your lovely cheerful way of writing!! In my home language, Afrikaans, I've got the same style as you, but unfortunately in English I can't express myself in the same way!! (as you have most probably seen on my blog, my English is not very good!! LOL!!!)
I truly enjoyed my visit to your blog and will definitely in future not miss one single post!!! Your whole blog is one lovely treasure to explore and to revisit time and time again!!
Have a super day!! Will be back soon!!!

Karen Petitt said...

I will be back reading more of these over the next week or two!
I love the English language and its' vagaries, not sure if that is the correct spelling let alone word lol!
I have to admit it took me a bit to figure you out at first but now you regularly make me smile with your vagaries! Keep up the good work sweetie xx

OH Babs said...

I am reading all there is know about you on your blog and have posted a comment on each heading. As I continue to read I just marvel at your many talents. I will always think of you as IOWA Girl but I think your nickname is Irma. Wow Irma from Iowa - I am just being silly.

1CardCreator said...

You really are a very cle3ver writer, I understand why all your friends say such wonderful things about your writing style. ~Diane

adele holcomb said...

Darnell, I've been following your blog for a few months now because I really enjoy your writing style (not to mention your cards), but I just got around to looking at this tab.

I too was a legal secretary for almost 40 years, with excellent typing, spelling and grammar skills. Like you, I love crosswords and other word games. The words you make up just amuse the heck out of me, and keep me coming back for more. Thanks for a smile, free with every post!

My Card Attic: Hazel said...

Just LOVE your sense of humour Darnell! I also enjoy word play. I'm off to look at the other post you linked to now! Hazel xx

ionabunny said...

Hi Darnell, spotted this tab the other day and thought I must see what that's about. Well, now I know! I love the English language. It's fun and crazy and specific. There's a word for everything. Sometimes the same word!!! Sometimes many different words, like Eskimos and snow. This was very amusing and I read it all, including the comments. Off to see what other delights your tabs hold. Hugz

Gail said...

This is absolutely wonderful. I have never enjoyed a blog post as much as this one. My brow furrowed more than one time realizing how true every thing you wrote is yet I hadn't taken time during my life to really think about the many words that are so confusing, and then I'd nod but didn't nod off.

Thank you for writing such a nice comment on my post of the wedding couple and inviting me over. This was a delight!

Hugs,
Gail

Beverly G said...

You really uplifted me today with your Words page. I'm a reader, wish I could pen a masterpiece, but stick to dabbling in art, I have a friend who is a writer and a proofreader and she gives my blog a go over every time I post so I don't really need spell check, LOL, except I haven't fixed the latest typo she found yet.

Donna Ellis said...

LOL! What a fun page, Darnell! I used to write "conversationally", but changed recently, and started adding "personal notes" at the bottom of my posts. Most of my friends will read til the end LOL, and those who don't want to, aren't missing anything LOL! I say enjoy your willy-nilly-ness because it is NORMAL more so, than abnormal - and interesting besides!

What a great hubby! Caring more what others think of YOU than him. Too funny! I wonder if that is a male trait?

Thank you for the laughter and fun, Darnell. hugs, de

Christi Conley said...

I didn't think I could possibly love you any more than I already do - then, I read this post. . .

Jutta said...

Thanks to Cornelia for putting a link on her page that led me here. I thoroughly enjoyed your explanation. Thanks for sharing your way with words story.

Andrea said...

I'm not sure why I haven't read this sooner Darnell !. you are truly remarkable I loved every word and did LOL quite frequently. WOW, crafty hugs Andrea x ..off to check out the comments now :-)